September Highlights & Lowlights

October 29, 2018northernirishgirlonline

Hello, beautiful, sexy, people,

I hope you are all doing well and enjoying Autumn. Autumn is my absolute favourite season of the year, especially for photographs and HALLOWEEN. I’m a HUGE horror movie buff so I absolutely love October and used to wish I was born on 31st October.

I’ve been really unwell for the majority of this month which I am not really ready to talk about. I also lost my granda in August and his funeral was held on 3rd September 2018 and was awful.

I’m now ramping up for returning to university so I’m blogging like crazy to get as many posts up as I can so that I can focus on my studies, thank the Lorde Lord above for scheduling. 

I hope everyone is enjoying being back at school, college, or university if you are back and for everyone else, I hope you’re glad the kids are back at school lol. For the non-parents and non-students… I dunno what to say to you lads, it’s just another day, innit? Enjoy? – insert shrug emoji, here – 

Quick Disclaimer (can’t believe I still have to do this) – Some of the links on this post at affiliated links. This means I may earn a tiny amount of money if you decide to purchase. This does not mean the product is more expensive and makes no difference to you as a customer, it just means the company you purchase it from are getting less of a percentage which is pennies to them and helps a broke ass student out (me).

So without further ado lets jump into the juicy products that have been my highlights for this past September.

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Book of the Month

Melanie Murphy - Fully Functioning Human (Almost)

If you are new, here then firstly, HELLO! Secondly, my beautiful, sexy, people that follow me will tell you that I’m slightly (okay more than slightly, but not quite creepy, yet) obsessed with Melanie Murphy. Melanie is a Youtuber and author and she basically inspired me to finish my novel (coming soon!) So, when I was binge watching her Youtube one day she mentioned she had a book, I immediately went hunting on the love of my life (sorry Glenn and Tank), Amazon to find the book and bought it. 

I was so excited for it to arrive and when it did I think I tweeted Melanie too many times about it and how much I loved it. I just want her to be my bestie – insert heartbroken emoji, here -. I swear I’m not creepy, I just get super excited when anyone from Ireland is successful, whether it’s someone from the North of Ireland where I am from or the South (Republic of Ireland), it doesn’t matter because we are one big (smaller than most, but you get what I mean) country. Literally, for those that don’t know, the only thing physically separating Ireland and Northern Ireland is a toll booth that likes to rip you off even if you have a fucking account and they charge you triple what they are supposed to!! Sorry… back to the book.

It is such an interesting read, I don’t think I’ve ever read a book that was part memoir, part love and life advice, part life guide, part advice on how to become an influencer and still have the ups and downs of life and love within it so this was a new one for me. I honestly couldn’t put it down. I started reading it whilst at my GP surgery and as soon as I got home I sat on my bed with pillows to prop me up, a cup of tea, a cosy blanket and my little Tinkletits (Tank) and didn’t move until I had finished the book. I’m a fast reader as it is, but I really enjoyed the book and once I stop being a Tsundoku then I’ll re-read it, again because it was just THAT GOOD.

TSUNKDOKU – The acquiring of reading materials followed by letting them pile up and subsequently never reading them

I highly recommend you go buy the book if you think it’s something you are interested in, you can purchase it on Amazon which is the cheapest place I found it. Don’t forget if you are a student we get 10% off student discount through UniDays and I’m pretty sure NUS Extra does it, too. To purchase the book or read the reviews, you can find it here.

Keeping with books for a second…

Audible of the Month

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Credit to Audible for the book cover

Nick Offerman is my #MCM (Man Crush Monday) every day, I’ve loved him since the first episode of Parks & Rec (if you don’t know what that is all I can say is CHRIS PRATT.) He’s hilariously funny and is married to the absolutely stunning and hilarious Megan Mulally who you may recognise as Karen the high pitched rich bitch from Will & Grace. They wrote a book together which will no doubt be my Audible of the Month next month. My husband is totally fine with being like my fifth man on my #MCM list. The first obviously being Jamie Dornan, followed swiftly by Chris Pratt, Nick Offerman and Jake Gyllenhaal (because I just thought it was so important who my MCM’s were).

I don’t know how else to describe this other than utterly hilarious and somewhat soothing as Nick has that deep voice that is just so suited for this kind of app. If you think I’m funny like some of my followers do (thanks Batmom, I love you, my beautiful friend!) then you need a bitta Nick in your life. 

As Donna from Parks & Rec would say:

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Keeping with the apps for a bit, I recently found an app/website called Podbean that I didn’t know existed. I hate having to wait for my zillion podcasts to sync on my phone, Mac, desktop computer or wherever else is linked so I was looking for one that didn’t take a million years to load.

I was actually in search of Emma Kenny’s podcast which I’ll maybe mention in another post. For the newbies or those that don’t know, I am studying Forensic Psychology as it’s always been something I’ve been interested in. Emma Kenny is a Forensic Psychologist that you often see on the TV if you watch the U.K documentaries on killers or paedophiles, or things of that nature. Emma was also on the U.K’s “This Morning” show so you may recognise her from there if you decide to Google her.

Podcast of the Month

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Joe Rogan is big in America, he is known for quite a few things actually, but I know of him because my hubby is a huge listener of this podcast. Initially, I wanted nothing to do with it as it seemed to be all MMA fighters (Joe Rogan presents those live shows on occasion) and as much as I love sport, I can’t say I’m into MMA. The farthest I’ll go is Boxing and I only do that because of Carl “The Jackal” Frampton who is a lad that grew up a stone throw away from my childhood house of horrors. Google him, if you like lads with Northern Irish accents then you’ll love Carl, he’s just full Belfast and he’s a wee ledge (his wife is also hilarious). I’m getting off topic, again aren’t I?

I think the first time I really sat down and listened to Joe’s podcast was when my hubby had the video stream version of it playing whilst I was downstairs probably blogging or fiddling about on my laptop. I don’t remember who was on that day, but I remember thinking, “He’s actually got a decent thing going, here.” The first podcast I listened to on my own was when he had Jordan Peterson on. You may recognise the name, he wrote the book 12 Rules for Life and he also has his own podcast.

Since then he has had a lot of other guests on such as Nick Yarris, my Twitter followers may recognise the name as I was tweeting about Nick’s book recently. There is a documentary on Netflix about Nick at the moment based on one of his books, I’ll get to that documentary, shortly. 

So, basically Joe has a variety of guests on and they talk about everything, sports, life, weed (yes, weed), psychology, life stories and so much more. Most of the time it’s quite funny, but also really informative and those that know me know I love informative! If Matthew Santoro (Canadian Youtuber who loves facts) is the knowledge whale then I’m dubbing myself the knowledge dolphin because I love to learn and love to share important topics like breast cancer and how to check your titties.

If you haven’t read that post, then why not?! I’m half kidding, seriously, go read it then go and check your Taco’s, Melons, Boobies, Boobs, Tata’s, Chesticles, or whatever you’ve named your bosom. Since I’m such a good egg, I’ve linked it for you, here. Don’t worry, it opens up in a new window. 

Podbean is totally free and Joe Rogan’s podcast is on there so if you like listening to things like that then you should go and have a listen. I’ve linked it for you, here.

I did see an email come through, (to the person that sent it please forgive me for forgetting your name at the minute, but I saw your email) asking me if I would do a few blog posts on Psychology books for students, any podcasts I’d listen to and if there is anything else subscription or otherwise that I think other Psychology students would benefit from.

I’ll be honest, I hadn’t planned to, but if other people want that then please let me know and I’ll see what I can do.

Sticking with apps!

Gaming Apps of the Month

I have two, and one of them may make you laugh. I’m a total NERD and I couldn’t give two shites who knows that. Everyone who knows me knows I’m a total nerd, I love Harry Potter (which makes you cool, not a nerd just FYI), and other nerdy shit like computers (I mean development, not just computers themselves) and I taught myself to hack when I was 15. If you asked me to hack, now I wouldn’t have the faintest idea…

Pokemon Go

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Anyways, moving swiftly on. So, my first gaming app is none other than Pokemon Go. Why you ask? Because it’s fecking awessssommme. If the hubby and I go on a Sunday drive somewhere I’m literally stuck on Pokemon the whole time “gotta to catch em’ all”. If you are a Pokemon lover and wanna add me my username is nirishgirlonline, which I think you can add me from? If not I know there’s some weird picture/code thing so let me know and I’ll send you that. I don’t really need to explain the purpose of Pokemon, do I? I feel like everyone in the world knows what Pokemon is and if they don’t then I have no words.

Star Chef

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The second app is one I have been playing for a good few years. I love cooking games, I dunno if it’s because I love cooking or because I’m just a gamer and just love the majority of games I play. It’s called Star Chef, if you love cooking games then I highly recommend downloading it. I’m not sure how you find me on there, but if you download it let me know and I’ll find you. My restaurant’s name is Dexter’s.

Songs of the Month

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Black Velvet Band – The Dubliners

“Her eyes they shown like diamonds
I thought her the queen of the land
And her hair, it hung over her shoulder
Tied up with a black velvet band” – The Dubliners, Black Velvet Band

If you fancy having yourself a wee Irish jig then get this bad boy in your life. My granda (RIP Granda, I miss you) was partial to a bitta The Dubliners, as is my daddy and of course since I’m practically the female version in looks and personality as the two of them, so am I. I’ve mostly listened to the song on the way home from work and means I’m always in top form when I get home. https://open.spotify.com/user/nicwhit87?si=uiQN1tCJSLalqTRE7HMdrQ

Another song I have been constantly putting on repeat on Spotify is 

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Oasis – Little By Little

As little by little we gave you everything you ever dreamed of
Little by little the wheels of your life have slowly fallen off
Little by little you have to give it all in all your life
And all the time I just ask myself why you’re really here?

– Oasis, Little by Little

I’ve been a huge Oasis fan for as long as I can remember. I’ve pretty much got all of their songs learned off by heart, not that I’ll ever sing to you because I can’t fucking sing. Anyone who decides to be bold and say neither can Oasis can just leave this post right now this instance, go to bed with no dinner, no nothing and think about what you said. Also, you’re grounded!

This song has just been my go-to song when I feel like absolute bollocks about my life. I listen to this and it just gives me so much nostalgia feels back to when I was a teen and demon mother worked a lot so I rarely saw her and I felt free. It was released in 2002 so I would have been 15 when it was released which was around the time I started looking at boys as more than the lads I played rugby, computer games and football with.

It just fills me with so many happy memories of being a teen, which is nice because I have basically blocked out a shit tonne of memories from my child and teen years. If you like rock and don’t mind English bands then I’d recommend it. 

Albums of the Month

I started listening to this first album when I was coming home from granda’s cremation and it hit me hard then, that he was gone and I’d never see him, again. Trying very hard right now to contain the tears… he will always refer to me as Karen Carpenter when I was a wee kid because I’d long dark brown hair and I loved her.

It was a mixture of Karen Carpenter, Megan from the original OG My Little Pony (the best My Little Pony, not like the shite on TV, today) and Shera. If you don’t know who Shera is, well… as the iconic Jeffree Star would say:

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CAN’T RELATE, GIRL BYE!

The Carpenters Gold Collection (Greatest Hits)

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The Carpenters Gold Collection (Greatest Hits). I’m not sure if you young pups are familiar with who The Carpenters were or any of their songs as they are proper old school, but I grew up listening to The Carpenters, Dr Hook, Kenny Rogers, Dolly Parton (QWEEN), The Bee Gee’s, ABBA and those types of bands.

I’d describe them as old-school love ballads with a decent old-school pop sound thrown in the album in between. It’s a brilliant album, Karen was an especially brilliant and talented woman especially in music considering she could play the drums, harmonica, maracas, and the girl had PIPES (I’m actually not sure how hard that is, but I mean if Liam Gallagher can do it), you really need to go read her story on Wikipedia, it’s literally heartbreaking.

My favourite songs on the album would probably be:

  • We’ve Only Just Begun
  • Kind of Hush
  • Top of the World
  • Rainy Days & Monday’s
  • Only Yesterday

Such a switch up from when I was a kid as my favourites were Top of the World and Wait a Minute Mr Postman. I think it really just depends on your mood at the time. Worth a Spotify search and listen if you love the likes of ABBA and the Bee Gee’s you won’t be disappointed.

The second album would have to be Oasis – Greatest Hits, sorry I know I mentioned them earlier, but they are my all-time favourite band.

Getting into the wigger side of me… Google it, before anyone starts I’ve done thorough research and it’s not a racist term. Me and racism just don’t go together, a bit like Donald Trump and the American Presidency (look at me making a Trump joke and not being American.)

Nicki Minaj – Queen

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I’ve also been listening to Nicki Minaj – Queen because 1. she is a queen and 2. she is a QUEEN.

Some people aren’t into rap or don’t like Nicki’s music and that’s whatever, but I happen to think she is very talented and enjoy rapping along to her songs.

My favourite songs at the minute are probably:

  • Rich Sex (Featuring Lil Wayne)
  • Come See About Me
  • Bed (Featuring Ariana Grande)
  • Thought I Knew You (Featuring The Weeknd)

From my last post I was asked what my Spotify was so people could follow me, so if you just search the username in the picture it should let you follow me or add me as a friend. It’ll also give you access to my playlists.

Films of the Month

So stepping away from music and onto film and TV. I recently rewatched two blasts from the pasts, one of them is an English film that people who are older than 30 should recognise.

Rita, Sue & Bob, Too

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This actually came out the year I was born, I honestly don’t know why I enjoy it so much, I think it’s got a lot to do with the wee alcoholic man who dances on his balcony and shouts stuff, I feel like he could quite possibly be my soul mate (fans of the show will know what I mean). I also find it extremely funny, although I don’t think everyone would catch on with the humour in it.

Just as a PSA this film has quite a bit of swearing and sex in it, so it’s not safe for work (NSFW) and definitely not safe for the kiddos. It’s also definitely not for anyone without a sense of humour, if you are one of those people I’m not even sure why you are reading this as I’m the worst possible person you could ever follow.

The next film also has a lot of sex in it, no I’m not horny, well not at the moment, thanks for your concern, though.

Unfaithful

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Diane Lane is absolutely amazing it this, it also stars a mostly topless Oliver Martinez (he was married to Halle Berry and is a model). Richard Gere is also in it, I’m sure you can get the gist by the title of the film what it is about, but I remember this being the first adult film I ever owned that wasn’t a horror film. I think I was reading something about Diane Lane then remembered this film and decided to watch it, again. It’s still as good as I remember it, that corridor seen, though! 

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Moving on to TV…

TV Shows of the Month

Seems a bit weird to be following this from the two films, but the TV show I was totally engrossed in and couldn’t believe more people weren’t talking about was Married to a Paedophile. You can catch it on BBC iPlayer and it was astounding.

Married to a Paedophile

It really makes you think about how their own families are affected. I know from past experience the wives especially get a lot of shit, but most of the time they are as clueless as anyone else. They will no doubt carry some guilt with them, too as they were married to these men and didn’t realise what was happening. People seem to forget all about the families that are left behind, in a sense they are victims, too. They’ll become targets 

I almost felt sorry for the elderly man, but I caught myself on quickly. Seeing this, again, just has my career choice imprinted in my mind, I know for definite now my future involved working Child Crime cases, whether it’s sex crimes or any other child-related crimes using my psychology studies for guidance on profiling paedophiles in order to help put a stop to as many as I can. Don’t ya just wish the death penalty was still around? 

I got into a bit of a debate with someone over chemical castration on Facebook following the case of a two-month-old baby boy being rushed to the hospital after his dad abused him. We’ve never had a crime this brutal in Northern Ireland before so the responses to it were ones of rage, threats of violence on the man, his partner and their families. You may have seen my response to this on both Twitter and Facebook. I’m going to include it , below.

“Peeps I know it seems like a piss take to not name this person, but please understand the impact this can have on the case. We all want justice for this baby, and I know there is a lot of anger and hatred going down right now, but use your nuggets and let the Courts do what they need to do. This case isn’t the first and unfortunately it won’t be the last so all you can do as humans and as the NI community is take a step back and think about this baby, two weeks old and needs all the protection we can give them. I’m sure once the creature is convicted and sentenced in Maghaberry that someone will find out his identity, but the naming/shaming and death threats will do nothing but help his defence pick holes and get you into trouble. Please take it from someone who counsels kids that have been abused, just don’t.”

– My response to the recent arrest of the man in question

People forget this happens more than you think, I could start rhyming off statistics and other countries where this may still shock people, but it’s not the first time it’s happened. It’s very sad, the baby isn’t expected to live and to be honest I didn’t want to keep up with this case, as it’s just a bit too raw for me at the moment. If people do want to know updates then I’m sure you can Google them.

Another thing that actually shocked me was the number of people DM’ing me the photo of the man and the baby together. As if it would change my stance on things, it didn’t. I stand by what I said, I’ve friends in the PSNI who I’m not speaking for, but I know agree with my take on it.

I know what this person looks like, but seeing him doesn’t make me feel any other way than hoping that justice is served and wondering if the death penalty can be brought back and he is stoned outside the City Hall. I know I for one, would be there for that. Whilst I don’t condone violence, usually, I’d make an exception for this guy.

There was no information on the mother last time I checked, or whether she knew anything about it. Just remember guys, sending hate will do nothing but potentially harm a case, solicitors are very good at hunting this stuff down and getting a loophole or two to connect with it. Do all the ranting and raving you want to your families and friends, but don’t send any kind of threats over the internet, because you could find yourself in trouble and also potentially end up with a criminal record.

Panorama: Kids in Crisis

This one hit home for me, it was basically the topic of mental health in children. There are so many children dealing with a lot more issues than we ever did as kids. It’s a scary world out there, then you add on the internet, the cruelty and brutality of other children and it are enough to send teens into spiralling depression.

What I couldn’t get over was the witch of a woman who said to one girl who had suicidal thoughts:

“There is nothing wrong with you. You want to see sick? I’ll show you sick. You are just a normal teenager, don’t be throwing yourself under a train to prove a point.”

– NHS Worker at a Children’s Mental Health Unit in England.

The girl was visiting the unit to be assessed to see if she needed to be brought in as an inpatient, she was with her mother when she attended. It was her mother that told Panorama what the NHS Worker said. How unbelievable is that? I’m hoping it was found who she was and that she was disciplined for not only being insensitive but for the further damage, she may have caused this beautiful young girl.

Moving on as I’ve traumatised you enough…

Netflix Shows of the Month

 

How Clean is your Crime Scene

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How Clean is your Crime Scene was probably one of my favourites of the month. The guy who owns the company is a total ass, but you get so engrossed in the show you forget it until he’s featured, again. I particularly loved it because it wasn’t just crime scenes, it showed you houses in disarray and buildings which had been damaged by eejits. There is nothing more amazing than watching a room that was once full of rat droppings, dead rats, junk and general crap be turned into a beautiful looking room, again. It’s a high recommendation from me.

Afflicted

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I was on the fence this whole show, out of all of the people “afflicted”, I only believed two. One was the bedridden guy who was so unwell and the other was the guy who wrote the score for one of the best shows on Netflix, I won’t spoil it for you, watch it yourself.

It’s definitely a must if you are into psychology, or just really interested in learning about others afflictions and how they come around. I spent quite a bit of it shaking my head in disbelief, very wrongly judging people for their “afflictions” and saying “there’s no fucking way this is real, no fucking way at all”.

I’m not perfect, one thing I am really working on is judging people for stuff like this, it’s been ingrained in me to disbelieve anything like this because it’s not the “norm”, but you could say that about other mental afflictions and some physical  afflictions, just because it’s far-fetched, doesn’t mean it’s not real.

I’m working very hard to stop being so judgemental, as who am I to judge anyone but Donald Trump? I think that’s one of the reason’s I stuck with the show because as frustrating as some of the stories were, it was deadly interesting, I was especially interested in the partners of some of those that were afflicted, how they would spend hundred’s of thousand’s of dollars on these people because they loved them. There was one, I don’t wanna spoil it as you need to watch it, but all I’m gonna say is that fucking girl knew what she was doing, you were fooled, son. 

Somewhere Between

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For some reason, this reminds me of Sinner. I don’t know if you’ve seen Sinner yet, but my god you need to. Same with Somewhere Between, again I don’t want to spoil it for you, but it helps that the leading lady is hot (Paula Patton), so is her on-screen husband  (JR Bourne) and it’s also one of those shows where you wanna keep binge watching it. It’s probably one of the only shows I’ve ever binge-watched and not taken my eyes off it.

Lastly, but certainly not least…

Real Detective

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It’s a documentary series where a number of real detectives are interviewed on the cases that changed their lives, forever. As a PSA I will say there are trigger warnings to this show, there are quite a few child sex crimes turned homicide mentioned so it’s not for everyone. However, there are some really good cases, so again if you are into psychology or criminology/true crime then give it a watch.

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Granda’s cremation

So as many of you know, I lost my grandad in August of this year, I’ve said a lot he was my hero and he really, truly was. He had been fighting cancer for over 10 years before it finally took his life. He suffered hard towards the end, it was difficult for the whole family and we all miss him so much. I’m just glad he’s not in any more pain.

Now, cremation can be a touchy subject, I personally have no idea why anyone would choose to be buried when all that is going to happen is that your body is going to expel a shit tonne of chemicals, gasses and so forth. Your body will then start to rot and basically be eaten by maggots, other bugs and if your super unlucky rats if they make their way into a coffin (it can happen). I can think of absolutely nothing worse. My granda was the same, which is probably where I get it from as I’m realising more and more how much of an influence he was in my life which makes me happy and super proud to be his granddaughter.

In Northern Ireland, our funerals differ from those in other countries. We bring our bodies home in their coffin’s, the body remains at home from between 2 – 5 days before the funeral. Depending on the nature of the death and/or family members it’s either an open or closed coffin. The majority of the home visit’s I’ve had with dead family members have consisted of an open coffin, bar three (all three of them being my grandparents). This gives the family and/or loved ones time to say their goodbye’s and start their grieving process before the cremation.

My granda was cremated at the beginning of September, my auntie did an amazing eulogy for him that would have made him super proud. It had lots of anecdotes from when my granda’s kids (my dad and his siblings) were kids. Like the one for my dad, he was a firebug and was obsessed with fire. I won’t go into what he did (nothing illegal), but it was like something clicked in me. I was such a wee shite with matches and lighters when I was younger, I was obsessed with lighting them and just watching the flames and my Nanny Mac would let me light her cigarettes for her because I was just weirdly obsessed.

Motivation or lack thereof

Motivation… what motivation? I’m struggling, massively. I have no motivation whatsoever for my blog, or writing my book, or reading. About the only thing I’m motivated to do is clean, go on walking adventures to take photographs, work and an hour a day of studying. I’m at the point now where I am seriously considering hypnotherapy for it because no matter what I try, whatever research I do, nothing is helping me, so it’s a last resort. If anyone has any tips on motivation then please throw them my way. I’ve tried planning my days and I’m a note taker so I always have a To Do list, but it’s like I’m just doing the list itself to procrastinate so it never fulfils its purpose.

Personal illness

I know I usually share a lot with you guys, but this isn’t something I’m going to go into much detail with. My close friends know and some family, and that’s the only people that need to know. What you do need to know is that I was rocked by this illness for over a month, it left me very tired, but I’m getting back to normal and my body is recovering so that’s good.

Mad headaches and migraines

 Not related to personal illness, but definitely, something that I’m noticing is becoming more and more frequent. I wear glasses when reading or on the computer, but it’s at the point now where it doesn’t matter if I have my laptop screen, tv screen, work computer screen or whatever down to as dim as it can be without it being black. The headaches are at least once every two weeks.

That might not seem like a lot for some of you, but when you aren’t used to this, drink a lot of water and don’t understand where they are coming from, it’s a lot. I mentioned my screens above because it’s usually the first thing I’m asked. The migraines are one every two months, but it seems to be I know it’s coming as it’ll start with intense pain behind my eyes, if I close my eye and press my eyeball the pain subsides for the length of time I have my finger pressed to my eye, then it comes back. 

I get mad fuzzy eyes when I get a migraine so I tend to just not do anything, but lie in my room with water and painkillers until it goes away or I fall asleep. I don’t know what’s causing them, I’m going to mention when I have an eye test as maybe I just need new glasses, but it’s getting stupid, now.

Body dysmorphia problems

I honestly think I’ve a cheek to call it body dysmorphia, as I feel like it’s not what I’d consider being body dysmorphia, but at the same time, I’m not sure what else to title it. I could have gone with “I fucking hate every inch of my body and face”, but that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?

I get like this A LOT, but I’m very good at just ignoring it and trying not to let myself get too hung up on it. I’m lucky that I’ve a partner who thinks a lot differently about my face and body than I do, but it’s still something I’ve noticed is rearing it’s ugly head more and more with me. Why can’t I just focus on being positive without having to pick apart my mental health, physical health or looks?

It’s bullshit, I’d just love an entirely new face and body, I’d change everything about myself, which to my dad if he ever reads this would probably be very hurtful, but I’m just so unhappy with how I look. I’ve always said if I won the lottery that’s one of the first things I’d do is book in with one of those amazing Hollywood surgeons and tell them what I wanted to be changed, but at the same time I’d still want to look like I belonged in my family as I’m very like my dad and granda. Makes no sense, I know. Not even sure why I’m including this, I suppose so people know that I understand when they say they feel ugly or that they hate certain areas of their bodies.

Being BROKE AF

So… this… this nearly made me hit the delete button on my blog. I have joined every stupid ass affiliate website you can name. I’ve read every blog post on making money with your blog, building partnerships and so on. I’m NOT a family friendly blog, I swear, I talk about sex, I talk about topics like child abuse, true crime, serial killers, mental health and lots of other stuff that would be deemed NSFW. I honestly feel like sometimes my ability to overshare hinders any chance of a brand deal or sponsorship.

I also absolutely HATE with a passion, marketing myself. I HATE IT, whilst I don’t think I deserve brands to just come across my site and immediately want to sponsor me, I’m just getting tired of the constant working, working, working and having nothing at the end of it. I never intended my blog to be a money-making thing, that’s not why I started it, but now I’m at the point where in order to keep it going, something has to give.

I took quite a bit of time off social media, avoiding Twitter mostly as I don’t use Facebook at all, even though I have one. I mostly just hung around Instagram uploading photos of my Autumn walks with my little man. I thought that by taking the time out I’d change my mind about deleting my blog, but so far it’s not looking like that feeling is going to go away.

Before anyone starts, this isn’t a pity party I’m not feeling sorry for myself. I suppose it’s just me explaining why I’ve taken so much time away from that part of social media. In another way, it’s me venting my frustrations which I’m sure a lot of others share with me. I’ve seen quite a few comments in the short time I’ve been back on Twitter where other bloggers I won’t name have brought up other people gaining paid brand deals, whilst they’re only offered free stuff and not fully grasping what they’re doing wrong. 

Whilst I get it, I understand where they’re coming from, I don’t agree. There is a lot of bitchiness that goes along with these comments such as “they don’t work as hard as I do.” “They’ve not had their blog as long as I’ve had mine”.”Their blog isn’t even that good, their writing is shit and they can’t spell.” That’s just a few comments.

Please remember, you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, yes it might seem like to you someone has done fuck all for their reward, but you can never truly know how hard they’ve worked unless you spent copious amounts of time with them. Don’t run another blog down, if you don’t like it then don’t read it. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve had your blog, obviously, the brand in question liked what they saw.

Anyways, I’m just finding being a broke student tough, and getting tired of waiting for my “break”. I know I’m not alone in this feeling, my blog was never going to be my career, but it was going to help me by allowing me to work from home and make hopefully the same money I did working part-time, it would have meant being able to study and not worry about travel time on top of working 8+ hours a day outside of my hometown.

Maybe it’s just not meant to be for me… who knows? Maybe I’ll come to my senses and keep going or maybe coming to my senses means deleting my blog? Who knows…

Anyways, I’ve ranted and raved enough.

Until next time (if there is one).

Stay safe and be kind.

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Comments (4)

  • Rachel

    November 2, 2018 at 1:21 am

    I’m sorry to hear of your granda, but it sounds like he had a great memorial service. I honestly haven’t heard of a lot of your movies and shows but I’m going to have to look into them! Married to a Pedophile sounds interesting. Have you heard of the podcast, Terrible, Thanks for Asking? There was a recent episode where a girl talked about dating as an orthodox Jew and as she thought she found the one, he admitted to being a pedophile. You never think of the family members and how it affects their lives. Great post!

    Cheers xx

    Rachel | http://www.myspottedblog.com

    1. northernirishgirlonline

      November 2, 2018 at 3:11 pm

      Thanks for your comment, lovely! I’ll have to find that podcast as it sounds v interesting!! Xx

  • Sinéad Anna Chalke

    October 29, 2018 at 8:49 am

    Never heard of Melanie Murphy but that book looks right up my street so I’m going to add it to my Christmas wish list I think! Great post lovely x

    Sinéad x | 🌷✨
    butterfliesandboundaries.wordpress.com

    1. northernirishgirlonline

      October 30, 2018 at 12:00 am

      Oh Sinead she is amazing! Proper Irish girl, with an Irish sense of humour which is why I feel like I connect with her on so many levels. The book is so worth a read, she is releasing a fiction next year and I can’t wait to read it. I honestly thought her first book was very inspiring, her Youtube channel is amazing and definitely worth a watch if you like that sort of thing xx

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