Self Love Series: Masturbation

November 10, 2018northernirishgirlonline

Hey all,

So if you are reading this then you are either a loyal subscriber/follower and for that I love you, you are new here if so welcome, or you accidentally stumbled on this whilst searching for masturbation on Pornhub (I see you, you should stay, you might learn something).

As you may already know, I’m not shy when it comes to talking about lady parts, checking ourselves and so on. If you haven’t read either of my posts on those then just click the bold words and go have a read.


  1. What is masturbation?
  2. Does everyone masturbate?
  3. Is masturbation gross?
  4. Do women/girls masturbate?
  5. Is it a sin to masturbate?
  6. How many hours are too many hours of masturbation?
  7. Can you get a repetitive strain injury if you masturbate too much?
  8. Does your arm get muscular if you masturbate a lot?
  9. Can you get an STI from masturbating?
  10. If I masturbate am I still a virgin?

That was the top ten questions in Google when I typed in masturbation questions. It might be different for you, but this was mine and it’s the best thing I’ve Googled since duck penis (google it, I swear on my life you’ll be like what the actual hell is that, but it’ll be totally worth it).

Some of you may have laughed at the questions (tut, tut), others may have nodded along or wondered what the answer was. I’m going to do my best to answer the questions because… why not? It’s good craic.

Craic – Northern Irish word, refers to good times, as well as scandal/gossip/goings on. No real English equivalent.

“Last night was great craic!” 

“What’s the craic?”

Just for those wondering…

Yet another PSA: I am not a doctor, or a specialist in masturbation (however, if I knew how to apply I’d definitely give it a fap… I mean a GO. I’d give it a GO.) The information I have provided here is purely based on my own experience, experiences of friends and family, and/or research I have done.

Moving swiftly on, let’s answer the questions first. If you think you already know the answers to these questions then please feel free to skip to the “Why it’s Healthy” section of the post. 

Answering Masturbation Questions

1. What is masturbation?

Well not to quote the NHS, (but to quote the NHS) masturbation involves the sexual arousing of yourself, this can be done by touching your genitals (vulva, penis). Both men and women can masturbate, you can masturbate yourself or if you prefer, someone else (also known as “giving a wank”, “fingering”, other slang terms. You get the terminology). 

Masturbation involves sexually arousing yourself by touching your genitals. Both men and women can masturbate, and you can masturbate yourself or someone else.

2. Does everyone masturbate?

At some point in time, I’m sure they have and it’s completely normal. I remember an ex-boyfriend’s mother telling me that anyone who said they didn’t masturbate was lying and shouldn’t be trusted. She was an actual legend, think of Mean Girls and Amy Phloer “cool mom”. That was the lady in question, I miss her.

Obviously, this is within reason, for example, it’s mostly when you hit your teens that you start discovering your body and what you do or don’t like. Your body changes so do your taste in partners as you grow. Your technique may change, you may decide to add a sex toy (if you like that sort of thing then keep an eye out for a post coming soon reviewing one). I agree with my ex’s mum, if they say they haven’t, they’re lying and can’t be trusted.

Bit of Michael Myers to get the juices flowing…

3. Is masturbation gross?

I hate this question, why would it be gross? It’s as natural as wiping your ass. If you don’t wipe your ass then your an actual dirty birdy and you should be ashamed of yourself. I don’t know where this “gross” thing comes from, I wish I knew, I could probably Google it, but your bitch is busy and to be honest, I’d probably get super pissed off.

Masturbation is not gross, in fact, it’s very healthy, I’ll get to that part soon. Just know that you aren’t doing anything wrong, you are simply discovering your body, discovering what you like and what you don’t like. Certain techniques of masturbation aren’t for everyone, so it’s all about exploring, it’s fun!

4. Do women/girls masturbate?

Yes, yes we do. I’m assuming by girls you mean teenage girls, so the answer is yes. I really don’t know what else to say on this other than, yes.

Sorry to drag you into this Ariel, just need to prove a point and you seem awfully keen.

5. Is it a sin to masturbate?

Where do I begin…  I’m an Atheist. Might wanna go ask wee Betty Miller (you should google her, or don’t she might offend you. Not to be mistaken with the legend that is Betty WHITE who DOES masturbate), she says she doesn’t masturbate, but she totally fucking does. I can’t answer this without offending Christians, but as an Atheist, NO. I as in ME, don’t believe it’s a sin to masturbate. 

Ohhhh, I have deleted sooooo much from this section it’s actually not even funny. Let’s move on before I offend someone. It’s clearly not my intention to offend, but I will say this if I see any comments about religion they will be deleted. I don’t push my beliefs on you, don’t push yours on me or my readers, k? Thanks.

6. How many hours are too many hours of masturbation?

Personally, I’d tell you to stop if one of three things were happening, one you were cramping or your arm was going dead, two you began to bleed… mhm, bleed like blood. Or, three you start to feel sick and/or faint/lose consciousness. There’s also these:

  • You end up hurting yourself, I shit you not you can actually hurt yourself if you (chose your slang chose of the word masturbation) and cause yourself an injury. Whether that be a penis injury, hand injury, finger/s injury or you injure your vulva/vagina in some way. It can happen, don’t be daft and get carried away.
    • For males that injury could even end up being something mild like skin chaffing, which is still incredibly painful. Or, a more serious medical condition like Peyronie’s Disease which is a build-up of plaque in the shaft of the penis that can be a result of using too much pressure while beating off.


  • You start to withdraw from society, whether it be not hanging out with your friends or calling in sick to work so you can stay at home and masturbate. This isn’t funny, it’s serious, this can happen, don’t think it’s just some weird person’s life. Like anything else, people can become addicted to masturbating and it’s not just their physical health that suffers, it’s their mental health and their life. If you find your cancelling nights out with friends for this, then you need to adjust your routine or go and seek help.

  • It’s been known for boys/men who masturbate a lot using specific types of stimulation, for example, porn coupled with a specific hand movement whilst masturbating – find that they can’t have the same type of exciting or stimulating feeling with having sex with a partner. You are basically teaching your brain that you can only have that type of pleasure alone, so if you start to find you can’t “finish”, or if it’s just not as enjoyable and you masturbate a lot, you need to speak to a medical professional.


  • “Masturbation is always on my mind”, If you feel distracted by it, I don’t mean teenage boy distracted when someone bends over on the TV and you feel an instant hardon,  I mean you are constantly thinking about when you can next masturbate and it takes up every spare second of your time. If this is the case, then you got some shit to deal with and you need to speak to a medical professional.


  • You try to go cold turkey and fail miserably, like I mentioned before, like anything else people can become addicted to masturbating. Get help, it’s also worth mentioning that for males if you choke the chicken every day for two years it can deplete your sperm count. If you and your partner are trying to get pregnant, avoid masturbating. Don’t try and go cold turkey on your own, speak to a medical professional, you are less likely to fail if you have that kind of support behind you.
    • There’s nothing unhealthy or problematic with masturbating, but if it becomes detrimental to your life, then you need to treat it like you would any other addiction and seek help.”

From the medical research I have done they say that the urge to masturbate is controlled by three factors:

  1.  Emotional Factor
  2.  Hormonal Factor
  3.  Environmental Factor

As the media and advertisements are increasing in showing and selling sex for their commercial benefits we too need to check ourselves and maintain a standard that isn’t going to lead to addiction.

I found this when doing research and had to include it because I was like “Say what, now?” Honestly can’t remember where I found this, but I’m sure you could Google it.

“Excessive practice of this vile act leads to cowardice, an increase in nervous agitation, no confidence in oneself, overwhelming disgrace, a decrease in the urge to study and desire towards isolation and introversion.”

Seems legit.

7. Can you get a repetitive strain injury if you masturbate too much?

Yes, then again you can get an RSI from texting or gaming too much. I shit you not, this is a real thing. Google it. Google really needs to start paying me for telling people to Google it. I could literally retire at 31 if they did.

8. Does your arm get muscular if you masturbate a lot?

Who do you think you are? Popeye? If you don’t know who that is… I’m not going to tell you to Google it because they aren’t paying me (I said don’t Google it). Other search engines are available, like Ecosia the annoying tree people in almost every Youtube ad. Tbf, I use Ecosia as I print a lot of shit out so it’s like my way of giving back to the tree community. I’m rambling, again, aren’t I?

As with any “exercise”, you may build muscle. However, you WILL NOT look like Arnold Schwarzenegger or your favourite WWE wrestler, MMA fighter, other athletes that I can’t be arsed to mention, but all probably work out.

9. Can you get an STI from masturbating?

Where have you had your fingers? Hopefully not in any pies… young people won’t get that, will they? *Sigh* I’m so old. The answer to this is….a big fat no. STI’s or STD’s can only be transmitted through some kind of sexual intercourse.

Also, just a note, before you touch your privates, especially if you are female, wash your god damn hands. Unless, of course, you enjoy the pain of a UTI. If so, have at it, kid.

Whilst doing research I also came across a condition affecting males called Sebaceous Prominence also known as Fordyce spots. This is not and I repeat this is not an STI or STD. However, if you experience any pain peeing or if there is smelly or just any kind of discharge (please don’t mistake this with pre-cum or cum itself, there’s a difference. Just taste it, I’m kidding don’t taste it, please don’t ever do that), see your GP/go to your local sexual health clinic as soon as possible.

Just as an FYI, Fordyce Spots is a skin condition it is not caused by a virus or anything else communicable. If you have the condition, you didn’t get it from anyone.

10. If I masturbate am I still a virgin?

Yes, unfortunately for you, or fortunately, whatever way you look at it, you are still technically a virgin. For the female of the species, it is only when penetrated that we are no longer considered a virgin. When this happens are hymen snaps… however, this can happen if you are quite sporty, sports such as horse riding (not the beastility kind, don’t be a dirty fool), gymnastics, dancing and so on can actually do this. 

So, to stick with layman’s terms when a woman’s vagina is penetrated then she would no longer be considered a virgin. For the male of the species it’s simpler if he inserts his penis into a vagina, or an anus then he would no longer be considered a virgin. You could of course also say that if a man is penetrated in his anus he would no longer be considered a virgin.

Basically, if you are penetrated by someone or penetrate someone then you’re no longer considered a virgin. Contrary to popular belief it doesn’t matter if you cum or not. I don’t know where kids these days find this crap, not cumming doesn’t make you a virgin.

I mean… my head hurts and it’s not from masturbating. Honestly, though? Masturbation is a healthy thing, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, frightened of, disgusted by, or anything to that effect. 

Just be sure you are looking after yourself, I’m not saying if you masturbate twice a day for two weeks your addicted, people go through phases when their sex drive is off the chart. What I am saying, though, is to just keep an eye on some of the things I mentioned above.

If you have kids, for the love of Christ please educate them, better still, send them this post, have them read it, get them to ask questions, be open with them and tell them the truth. Don’t make it so it’s a shameful secret they feel they need to hide, let them be able to talk to you openly and honestly about sex and their bodies. Don’t make Google the parent, because, just don’t look at some of the questions I answered above, these questions did come from adults (I hope).

Enough masturbation talk for one night.

Until next time peeps, be safe and be kind.


Screenshot 2018-11-03 at 22.05.15





Comments (4)

  • Greatness Reinvented

    November 11, 2018 at 9:19 pm

    Great post good to see this being talked about. Nicely done.

    GR |

  • Geraldine

    November 10, 2018 at 10:36 pm

    This is not a topic that’s talked about frequently so I do appreciate that you made a post like this. That would be hilarious if everyone ended up looking like a pro wrestler of some sort after doing that!

  • myspottedblog

    November 10, 2018 at 8:32 pm

    Hahah made me giggle. The points against it killed me, but my favorite part was when you asked if they thought they were popeye. Fun post!

    Cheers xx

    Rachel |

  • Sinéad Anna Chalke

    November 10, 2018 at 5:28 pm

    What the hell is with some of those questions 🙄🤣😭 I cringed so much reading this! Not seen any posts like this before though so was nice to come across it x

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